From "Single and Fabulous" to "Fabulous Girlfriend"

I've transitioned out of the single market at a steady pace this past month; and into a simpler happy bliss with my new beau.

Most women would find this easy and normal. Going from single to attached. In fact, most women dream of nothing else, but being happily attached. I have always had commitment issues when letting a guy into my personal space. I fight them off and fight to keep my personal identity as an independent fun girl. In my last relationship, I would pack up his things and leave them in a box near the front door. I'd even throw hissy fits and complain to my friends that his stuff was taking over my apartment. I justified it by saying I had a small apartment made only for one. I find myself still fighting for my space like this now. But for the most part, I really like having SpitFire around.

The other day, I gave him a small drawer in the bathroom for his stuff.
Yup. That's pretty epic commitment from me right there.

and then there's another issue....

Does anybody else have problems with men still calling/texting for booty calls and hang outs? This was a change that had to take place to turn my life around and head down a road made for two.

Step One: Stop shenanigans with the non-stable relationships in my life.

It began with turning down the Carpenter. Blowing off Bridge Boy. Declining a booty call from the Pilot. One last date with My Girl, followed by silent ignored texts. Ignoring that last text from the boy down the street. and so on. I hoped they would get the hint; "I'm ignoring you, I'm busy".
and when that didn't work,

Step Two: I pulled out the "B" word - I'm with my new Boyfriend.

They all wished me the best in my new relationship in their own way.

The Carpenter questioned and tried to turn me back at first. My favorite statement from him was this- "Why dont girls just like sex!?"
He's such a Dick.

The Pilot kept sending me messages even after I asked him to stop.  At one point I had to tell him I would delete him from all my connections the next time he messaged me for sex.
A few weeks later he sent me an inbox apologizing for his behavior and how he had treated me.Our relationship was complicated and unkind to say the least. Something I really could never write about. So This apology was nice to get from him. But it was nothing I did not consent to and put myself through either. We were both at fault for an unstable relationship.

Step Three: No More Dates
The site had gone silent. The messages in my inbox sat unopened. Those people - the potential new dreamboat, and the pretty faced pixie - they no longer mattered. I was to busy being loved, and no longer searching for love.
I threw in the towel in the single life boxing ring. I'm fully committed/Invested/attached whatever you want to call it. I'm all about this guy and need nothing else to fill that void any more. My void has filled up and bubbled over with the excitement I feel when I'm thinking about him, and the happiness I get from being next to him. He's the only one I want to spend time with. He's the only one I want. So the time came...

I deleted my online dating account.

Step Four: Meet the Parents
This weekend I introduced SpitFire to my Rents. We showed up unannounced and surprised them with a weekend visit. They were so excited to see me. and they opened right up to Him as well. The big tough guy look, tattoos and military style did not phase them an inch.

He made instant favorites with my mom buy sharing house building plans, and helping her find her dream log home. And he won my dad over by sharing a love of guitars, and spending a morning going through my dads collection.
Meet the parents was a success. He has joined our circle of trust. He's definitely a keeper, and someone worth dropping everything for :)

"Do Not Call Him"

I could not delete the Carpenter from my life. for a few reasons.
1. when you delete someone, and they call, and you dont recognise the number, you answer... I have a need to censor everything that comes through my phone.
2. he still texts me once every day or so. and called me the other night. and every time that phone rings, it f*cks with my head and my heart.
3. my attachment to him is still to strong to let go. but I'm weening myself from him, and have help from a new love interest to keep my focus on other things...

so I changed his label on my cell to read "Do Not Call Him" and this is what shows up every time he calls or texts me now. It's a mental reminder that this guy is bad news. to stay away, and not to give in. and i read what he says, and reply "I'm Busy" and then delete the conversation. or if he calls,  i press "ignore".

I have standards and I'm not going to give in to some guys f*cked up way of living and treating women.

John Mayer - dreaming with a broken heart : "the giving up is the hardest part"

Douchebag Diaries & Dancing Queens

The Carpenter, The End.
For realz this time guys. I swear.
I, once again, got drunk and told the Carpenter to shove it... (my true colors really shine when I get tipsy :p)
I was drinking with friends.
He messaged me, and asked if I had any juice boxes... *this was our code*
I asked him what we are doing? what am I to him?
He claimed he hadn't "been with" (he used much more explicit terms) the other girl in 3 weeks. but he still wasnt putting all his balls in my pocket.
I told him I'll never see him again.

Then my girlfriends and I went out to a local night club. . .

I was on a mission.

I danced with boys, and boys bought me drinks. I even did Tequila! and I am a lady, who never does shots! so this was huge. The night was a wicked party, and I was a dancing queen. *I also drunk text Mr.England. and again forgot the next morning, until he messaged me... dun dun duuuuuun - but thats another story*

I ran into an old online friend, lets call him J-boy. We had talked for months online , until I met someone and became exclusive with that person. We had all the pieces of the puzzle in line, we just never put them together.

I was dancing with his friend. We had never met in person; but we both recognized each other right away. I pulled a switch, made big shiney eyes with J-boy and we spent the rest of the night swapping info and numbers.

J-boy had it going on. we "clicked". I know I say this every time. but it was something more adventurous this time. We made plans to hang out again. We text each other all night and all day. and then, he dropped the bomb. He's leaving in a month.
*Sad Pouty face* BUT WE JUST GOT IT RIGHT!!! Why god, do you treat me like this.? You give me something so perfect,  fill me with butterflies and rainbows, and then snatch it back.  It seems like all I ever get is a small does of happiness with someone and then they are gone. or I just have a habit of finding the ones with short expiry dates.

This blows.
#ForeverAlone

Mr.England : 34 days later

It had been 34 days since we last saw each other or spoke to one another.
I had left the NYE party, and I later found out he hadn't missed a beat - that he had run into/run off with an Ex Girlfriend that night.

He messaged me. asking how roller derby was going. the convo was short and brief. I had no intention of ever seeing him again. but he was sweet and persistent.

On Saturday night, I went to a university style Keg party. I ended up becoming a total mess, and my roommate and 2 friends came to save me and took me home where I made glorious love to a porcelain God for the rest of the night.
and In my most fashionable drunk way, I proceeded to drunk text Mr. England, and The Carpenter. I must have opened my phone while drunk texting the Carpenter and must have seen Mr.England's name there, and thought it would be a good idea to text him too. (so many bad mistakes made that night) I ended up telling off the Carpenter, calling him a Dick, and telling him to never message me again. but thats another story...

***I may have also cried hysterically when I did this because The Carpenter makes me so upset... Sorry Friends!!! Let me tell the world, my friends are the best because they save me from myself, and let me drunk-cry my heart out and still give me high-fives in the morning for a job well done!***

so Tuesday rolls around, and Mr.England messages me again: "What happened on Sunday?"
Me: um oops, nothing? why?
Mr.England: You said you'd come watch the super bowl with me. You missed my party.
Me: Oops sorry, I had Derby practice...*scramble to check back texts, and find our convo. apparently we are besties again. I almost ended up going to his place that night. Thank god my friends took me home!.*

Then Mr. England asked me to go skating with him.
I said yes.

He's one of the only guys who's actually taken me out on dates before. and acted like a gentleman. Unlike the Carpenter, he actually tried to impress me, and we had a connection and a sparks-flying-first-Kiss... I was devastated when he turned out to be everything a friend warned me about ....... did he just wait long enough for me to forget what happened New Years Eve night...waite for me to forgive and forget?  If I give him a second chance, will he be the guy he says he is, and not the guy he's shown me he can become after a night of partying too hard?
and it's just skating.. .  I wont jump right back into anything with him.  . .

So, It's skating with Mr. England, a guy who treats me like a gem 90% of the time, and calls me "Luv",
or another night of tug-of-war with the Carpenter who treats me like his head mistress and calls me "Buddy"...

Its Funny How...

#ItsFunnyHow... was this mornings trending topic on Twitter. and it seemed perfect for my current situation.
I posted: it's funny how the men who treat you like dirt are often the ones you cant stay away from....

When my roommates catch me making plans with the Carpenter, they yell at me and tell me to stay away from him. not to give in. That he treats me like crap.  and the worst part is, he knows he does too. He's openly stated, that if he was nice to me, he'd probly never have seen me again. It's like, he's made it okay to be a dick, and justified it in  a way that is surprisingly accurate and washes the dirt away.

But , how I feel about him, really -
With the Carpenter, I dont need a boyfriend. He fills the void I have with that empty space in my bed at night. and then he leaves, and I can focus on my Priorities. This is why I have no relationship with  another human being right now - because my priorities are as follows: 1. Work, 2. Roller Derby, then 3. Social Life; and then in a sad last, 4. Intimate Relationships.
So this bad relationship between I and the Carpenter... it works. For now.

And then there's MargaritaMondays...
Last night I messaged him again...
He's on a course for work close to Montreal. I just sent him a small memo.... letting him know I'll be there for a Roller Derby Booty Camp... and maybe... if he was around... it would be cool to hang out?
God I am shameless. But I think about him all the time. Even after we split the first time, and then he left in a way I should never forgive him for, short of disrespect and his friends being complete dicks to me; he's still one of the only guys I've met that I've really liked... and he said he'll meet me in Montreal ... *Big Smiles & Happy Feelings* ...just one more night of torture to my soul disguised as fun and feelings of fake love. It will be worth it, right?

Crossing Boundaries with The Carpenter

My relationship with the Carpenter has become too comfortable. We spend almost every night together now. to the point where, we are not having sex every night. we are actually just . . . sleeping.
The lines have started to blur between Lover, Friend, & Boyfriend. I'm not sure if he might actually be interested in more, or if he's just using me for my bed.(cuz my bed is hella comfy yo!)

***
He called me one night. I could hear an echo on the line. So, I asked if he was working on the big house (he's currently working on a big empty house as his main flip job)
his reply: "No, I'm in the bathroom pooping."
Me: "TMI!!!"  start laughing hysterically, cuz fart jokes and potty humor get me every time.
Him: "Why? Everybody does it"
Me: cracking up laughing, as I tell my roommate sitting next to me where he is. I say to him "Dont call me from the bathroom! Jesus."
A Note to all men: calling a girl from the bathroom is definitely crossing the line! in a bad way.

***
I called him on being overly attached one night. I said he couldn't come over because I was with someone else.
He made some snappy reply.
I asked if he was upset.
He said: "Not really, u"
Then I told him I didnt really have someone over - yes, I was playing games to see how he really feels. Sneaky me. 
His reply to that was, He "wouldn't really tell me if he was ;)" . . .
and now we've gone from lovers to ... something more, but not quite committed.

***
I don't trust myself with loving you...

The Carpenter: juice box love

(Image Via Google)

I had traded in my feelings of pride and self respect for feelings of passion.
I'd been late-nighting with the Carpenter...
Something about his realist mind pulls me in. Mind blowing conversations about life, and the things in it, kept me coming back for more. His realist views countered my free bird and crazy humor so naturally and perfectly.

He has his quirks too. He has this funny strut when he walks. and he likes juice boxes - quirky and immature?

He would asked me for a juice box every morning that he stayed over. It was like "His Thing" that he just always did. and so I bought some. is that sad? I'm now buying groceries for my F*** buddies...

It's like play ground love. We could drink our juice box together and talk about what we want to be when we grow up. I've given up on thinking he could ever be a serious adult or relationship partner. He's just one of those guys you enjoy, then let go, so another girl can enjoy him.

The Carpenter: Cut Off

I cut this guy off too.
Let's call January 2012 the month of Cleaning out my Closet. I'm dusting off the broken hearts and piecing them back together. Throwing out the ones that have no value or place in my life.


After realizing I was over the dating scene, I let The Carpenter know that I could not see him sexually anymore. I told him I wanted more from a relationship, or nothing at all from him. I'd grown attached and this was not in the plans he spoke of when telling me about his life goals.

He wants to focus on work and maybe settle down in 2 years, but made it very clear he was not looking for any type of commitment. or at least not from me.

We hadn't spoken for a few days after I cut him off.
but like any typical sex deprived male, he came crawling back with the plea-txt late one night as to "just cuddle for a while"

and I wanted to give in. so badly. I dont know why, but this guy has found a soft spot in me that just turns to mush when he talks to me. But I didnt give in. I asked if we could rain check, and maybe go for a walk or something non-sexual instead sometime. He never replied.

I'm putting my foot down. I'm not going crazy and dating too many randoms anymore. I either want to be happy and loved truly by another person the right way or be happy and alone.

The Carpenter

We met a while back. He's a rugged country boy. masculine and sexy. He makes a living by flipping homes. and he is so funny; always making me laugh. We spent a few nights together, just hanging out. nothing ever came of it. until New Years eve.

I had come home after ditching Mr.England at the market party. The Carpenter showed up at my door at 4am to ... comfort me?

We spent the night together, and I really like him. We talked about insurance, rrsps, house renovations, and life. He's one of the first guys in a long time who stimulates me intellectually as well as physically.