Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Bad Dreams and Destiny

I've been having reoccurring dreams where my current boy, SpitFire, leaves me. Not always exactly the same; but always the same outcome - leaving me single and upset, then I wake up scared of our future.

In one dream, He did not trust me, and had one of his friends try to sleep with me, to see if I would cheat.We were on a trip. His family was there. It did not end well. We had a huge fight and broke up. (***Does this sound too much like my real life past?!?)

Another time, he told me he did not love me anymore, but we would still be friends. We hung out together as friends in the dream, but I felt horrible about it, and tried to pretend I didn't mind. We went to a Roller Derby event together, and my friends were all confused about our break up. (**as they would be in real life, cuz we are so smitten with each other ) Something in me was trying to handle the situation like an adult, and I kept telling myself, adults can be friend with their ex's after a split. The grown up world is not as dramatic as the teenage love affair.

He is someone who I can see myself always being friends with. He's genuine and kind. But I would hate if he stopped loving me. I would probably cut ties and never speak to him again if he decided to leave me.

These deep dark abandonment issued keep rising. It's tiring trying to fend them off. I am constantly looking for signs of reassurance from my boy. Desperately wanting to know everything is okay between us.

We've barely passed the 3 month mark together, and are already planning long term. Building dream homes together, and picking out diamond rings. It seams crazy. It seams too fast. He tells me he feels like we've known each other for ever. It's like we were meant to be. Everything in life has pulled us to this place. 6 degrees of separation does not even begin to describe how close we are and how the world has spun to bring us together.

My dreams are probably only my subconscious telling me too slow down, and think seriously about it, to beware the past outcomes, and save myself form possible future falls. But part of me believes in love, and why can't it be perfect and made-for-each-other crazy in love, destiny.

Some links related to this post:
6 Reasons we have Bad Dreams
Dreams - practical dream analysis & waking life meaning

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