Monday, September 17, 2012

Aversion and Survival Tactics

I have many Strategic Aversion and Survival Tactics which I use on my coworkers and at home.
My Psychology degree has done me well. Just call me Master Manipulator.

I thought it was time to share a few of them with the world:

1. The Raise
 Scenario: Boss stops by your desk to ask you to take on another task/job.
 Aversion Tactic: Ask for a raise, but be sure to add a reason why you deserve it.
Like, in these terms, "Can I have a raise? I really need botox!"
Boss' reaction: *Face-to-palm* "What-the-why-now?" Laughs nervously and walks away baffled by raise request. No new work added to my plate.

2.The Slacker Coworker
Scenario: Coworker asks for help on their project
Aversion Tactic: Throw another co-worker under the bus - point out another slacker, and say "They have tons of time to sleep at their desk and take extra coffee breaks. How's that fair to us!? You should get them to do it for you"
They agree - who wouldn't - and go after slacker coworker.

2.2 The Slacker Coworker
Scenario: Boss walks by looks at your computer open to facebook....
Survival Tactic: You have a few options here:
-Research and development - Throw sleeping coworker under the buss. "Look across the hall! He's sleeping! At least I'm researching our target market while further investigating social media, both of which this company could benefit from immensely. So I'm actually going above and beyond my duties."
- or you can just Out the hung over coworker

3. Sabotage
Scenario: Coworkers can't function without morning coffee. It's morning meeting day. Your numbers are down and need to save face.
Tactic: arrive before everyone else.Throw out all cream (or just hide it). Watch them start to frenzy and cave over lack of caffeine. Pass a fresh take out cup to your boss when he walks in. and chat while the rest run around to get coffee and papers together for meeting.
Result: You're now the Instant organized superstar.

4. Delegate
Scenario: You are asked to help on a project.
Tactic: Delegate your share of the work to the over-eager beaver in the next cubical, the newbie, the summer student, or the Secretary.

5. The Fail
Scenario: You are asked to do work you know will become a norm once you complete it well.
Tactic: Fail on propose. Act completely stressed out. Complain; and be a complete pain in everyones ass the whole time you are doing the job. They will pass it on to someone else next time or at least make sure you only get half the work at most.

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