Wednesday, March 10, 2010


Why am I so emotional? where does it come from?

the easy answer to that question is hormones. But I feel it has to be more than that.
I just watched a scene from Dragons Den and a native woman, and mother to a six week old baby boy, was asking for a grant to expand her 'baby moccasin' business. It made me smile and get all happy-tears when she talked about wanting to employ fellow native women like herself and help her community become more sufficient by selling things they do every day.

i also can't watch shows that have animal cruelty on them, or those little kids from around the world. i hate those commercials. they don't entice me to give them my money. They just make me sad.

And shows where families have touching moments. and when people are all touchy lovey.

Its ironic because I'm not a touchy feely person at all! I have a 1 foot bubble around me, in which, if you cross into my bubble, i get sweaty and nervous, and need to "shake" you out of my bubble. My very close girlfriends like to squeeze in a hug when they can and watch my face crinkle up as I stand in the frozen stick pose with my arms straight down glued to my sides, and my hands and fingers flared out in surprise and discomfort.

Discomfort. Why must I be this way? Tenderness. Why can't I accept you with happiness.
why are we the way we are?

I do know that my work experience has helped me develop who I am and understand what I Cannot deal with.
I worked with persons who have special needs for 3 years in university, and with children through the YMCA. These positions showed me I care too much. I am the person who becomes emotionally attached to my clients and takes my work home. I have a hard time separating myself from situations I wish to improve. But the truth is, you can't help everyone, and not everyone can be a winner. So I've learned to cry a little and get emotional for a split second when it first hits, and then pull myself together and carry on.

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