Wednesday, March 13, 2013

My first...

About two weeks ago, I had a miscarriage. (A.D.A.M. Medical Encyclopedia. Link)
I want to talk about it here, because I found there is not a lot of knowledge around the subject openly available, from my experience. I found it hard to ask others about it openly. People tend to bury this kind of event deep inside and do not wish to revisit the hurt it brings. I found the few threads of online opinions and story sharing on this subject did in deed help me through the process.

It is a sad, hard, and scary thing to go through.  and in general, people just dont talk about it because it's heart breaking.  - There is nothing I or anyone can do to fix this. It is no one's fault. It's mother nature's way of saying, this one was not perfect for you, try again.

My Husband and I discovered our pregnancy early on. and had kept it to ourselves for a bit. We were going on 6-7 weeks. I had grown more excited with each passing day.

I started eating right.
Taking the vitamins: Prenatal, Folic Acid, and Omega. - All a MUST for pregnant mothers
and I even stopped doing zumba and roller derby.
Then I did the following - I made my "Firsts List":

What do people do when they find out their life is changing forever?
Well, I go shopping. Who knows what I'll need for this new adventure, Right?!

My first purchase after finding out I was preggers:
Coach Jenny Sneakers
Because, I want to be styling when I have to trade my heels in for full time flats, of course.

The first person we told: my Roller Derby coach, Black Eye Candy. Why, because I had to justify why I could no longer practice or play and game season was just starting! eek. It's every Derby Girls worst fear: telling her Derby team her season is over - indefinitely.  

The First thing I had to give up: Wine & Beer.
I had a hard time with this because I do in fact drink a lot... like a lot. I'm a wino and I know it. haha. yeah. It's probs for the best.

The first baby Item I purchased: my friend knits, and I asked her to make some roller skate booties. We used these as our official prop when doing the big reveal to family and friends. Look how cute!
And then it happened.
A tummy ache turned into heavy bleeding, and the pain grew. Followed by a trip to the emergency room at the hospital.
I will praise the hospital on this one. They are usually painfully slow with any hospital visit. But when dealing with a pregnant mother, and a (possible) miscarriage, they really scramble, and show support, and try and give you hope.
But the one line I remember most from my first visit was this: "At this point, we cannot stop it. We just have to wait it out now". the length of my physical miscarriage lasted about a week. But we still are going through the emotional sturggle a few weeks after the event. Im not sure how long the emotional part will linger. Some days really suck and some days are better. Thats all I can say about that for now.
and after  "There is nothing I or anyone can do to fix this. it is no one's fault. It NOT your fault. It's mother nature's way of saying, this one was not perfect for you, try again."
Problem one we found: They did blood tests which showed my hCG hormone levels were very low for a healthy pregnancy. If your levels are very low, and do not increase drasticly over 48 hours, this is most likely a non-viable egg, and the pregnancy is very unlikely to succeed. - There is nothing I or anyone can do to fix this. It's not your fault. it is no one's fault. It's mother nature's way of saying, this one was not perfect for you, try again.
Problem 2: My blood type is Negative, and my Husband's is Positive. info on this at blood groups and pregnancy & Rh-Negative and Rh-Positive Conditions in Pregnancy
For this, they gave me a shot of something to counteract any of my body instincts to fight off my husbands blood type if we get pregnant again.
Problem 3 came with: a portable ultra-sound which showed no sings of a gestational sac. So they scheduled me for a Dedicated Ultrasound which involved a radiologist specialist. This too found no positive signs. But also, no life threatening signs of the sac in a bad place, which was good.
Over 4 days I saw 4-5 doctors, many many nurses, did 3 blood tests and 2 ultrasounds before confirming a loss. They were very thorough and wanted to make sure the pregnancy was not Eptopic and life threatening to the mother.
This was then followed with the blood type shot, a couple sick days off work to heal mentally, emotionally (I almost bought a puppy to try and fix my hurt. My mom talked me out of it. puppies wont fix it. but they sure do make you smile.); and blood work once a week until all hCG hormone levels decreased completely.
What's Next?
We were told, we can try again, once we are ready, and our doctor suggested to us- after a month or when we feel emotionally stable again. "Most sources do say to wait at least 2-3 cycles before trying again" quote from here. more info on When to Try Again.
Some facts  from Pub Med Health:
Most miscarriages are caused by chromosome problems that make it impossible for the baby to develop. Usually, these problems are not related to the mother or father's genes.
Around half of all fertilized eggs die and are lost (aborted) spontaneously, usually before the woman knows she is pregnant. Among women who know they are pregnant, the miscarriage rate is about 15-20%. Most miscarriages occur during the first 7 weeks of pregnancy. The rate of miscarriage drops after the baby's heart beat is detected.
 I was told by my doctors that 50-60% of women today have a miscarriage durring their first pregnancy.  And One more time - There is nothing I or anyone can do to fix this. Its not my fault,  it is no one's fault. It's mother nature's way of saying, this one was not perfect for you, try again.

Sources listed in this blog come from web pages I personally checked, found helpful, and read for myself. They are guidlines to work from. Always check your sources and ask your own Doctor for "What works for YOU".

If nothing else, I hope this helps someone else out there who might have questions or need a friend to talk to about this kind of thing. It's hard. That is true.  You are allowed to hurt. and cosider buying a new puppy. and to cry. but remember, when you feel down,   There is nothing I or anyone can do to fix this. Its not your fault, it is no one's fault. It's mother nature's way of saying, this one was not perfect for you, try again.

No comments:

Post a Comment