Wednesday, December 21, 2011

commitment or something like it...

its late. I'm awake. buying time. staring at an empty screen. hoping someone is out there thinking of me...
on nights like this, I ponder the meaning of being single....

I give great advise to friends. but I cant seem to figure my own shit out. (a psychology degree does little good for ones own soul.)
If a friend has issues with committing to what sounds like the perfect match for them, I tell them, they have psychological issues, and are not ready to be in a committed relationship.

and then I turn and look in the mirror, and hate what I see. Myself, not ready to commit. and why?

What is our current tally for dates? 1 girl and 4 guys and a gaggle of randoms on the side?

I've turned into a man who thinks with his penis. I am playing a losing game. I'm juggling too many pins at once. and my reason for having so many options? because I dont want to be left behind. I down want to be alone. So if one of them is busy, I have a backup plan. Its a fear of rejection.
but tonight, I am alone. and I dont want to see any of them.... except one.

I'm going to introduce this person to my coworkers at our staff Christmas party... it's kinda a big deal.

1 comment:

  1. I've been feeling the same sense of "being in limbo" a lot lately. I'm with ya sister. <3