commitment or something like it...

its late. I'm awake. buying time. staring at an empty screen. hoping someone is out there thinking of me...
on nights like this, I ponder the meaning of being single....

I give great advise to friends. but I cant seem to figure my own shit out. (a psychology degree does little good for ones own soul.)
If a friend has issues with committing to what sounds like the perfect match for them, I tell them, they have psychological issues, and are not ready to be in a committed relationship.

and then I turn and look in the mirror, and hate what I see. Myself, not ready to commit. and why?

What is our current tally for dates? 1 girl and 4 guys and a gaggle of randoms on the side?

I've turned into a man who thinks with his penis. I am playing a losing game. I'm juggling too many pins at once. and my reason for having so many options? because I dont want to be left behind. I down want to be alone. So if one of them is busy, I have a backup plan. Its a fear of rejection.
but tonight, I am alone. and I dont want to see any of them.... except one.

I'm going to introduce this person to my coworkers at our staff Christmas party... it's kinda a big deal.