emotional madness

Sometimes in life, you dont know whether you are coming or going. You are stuck in a constant struggle with the past and the present. and people keep pulling at your strings and trying to unravel your safe little cocoon.

Right now I'm having issues with my "Emotional Boyfriend". It makes no sense at all, because I'm engaged to an amazing man and this other guy, and my best friend, still has the power to ruin my day. Over the past year we've had huge mountains to climb together. He's always the one I call when my fiance is being a douche. He's the first one I tell my Big News to when something epic happens. He's always been a chronic single. And we've always been there for each other.

It's so complicated because he tells me we should be together. but it's jealousy and loneliness talking. I've found where I belong; and unfortunately it's not with him in that way. Maybe in another life.

So this past holiday weekend, we both set off for the island in regular fashion. He comes from the east and I come from the west. We meet in the middle. It's like our secret life escape where it's just the two of us. I leave the Fiance to toil with my brothers and rents and get some much needed girl time with my favorite boy. Only this time... he brought HER? He didn't call when he arrived. He didnt answer any of my texts. He some how had a text-convo with my best girlfriend and told her he's off the market now along with some douchy diss to her on the side.

I feel like I've entered an emotional break-up. And now my jealous twin sister has come to play. I delete every post I ever wrote on his FB wall. Shoot him a text saying "herd u r 2 busy with the new lady. hope your weekend was good. bye." Then ignore his reply texts for a few days. Wednesday rolls around, he is dieing to know why I'm mad at him. I ask him, "should I be mad at you? Did you do something douchy?" he claims there is nothing, so I falsely agree and then ask if he's ever going to tell me about the new girl. No reply. He's ignoring me now.

It's like he doesn't want me to know about her. He's turned into one of those guys who forget they have friends when they get a girlfriend. And I guess I've lost my best friend.